What

It surprises me to know what kind of people there are out there in this world. I would have never thought that I would say this- but really- what is the effing purpose of life. So we're all here wondering around doing nothing- well for me that is I don't really think that I'm doing anything. Maybe it's more like I don't want to do anything. I'm not sure. I thought I knew what I wanted to do in life- I thought that I knew what it is that I wanted in life- so bad that it hurts. SO I thought. I no longer know what I want in life, or even if it's worthwhile to persue that goal. Remembering back when I was 13 my aunt emailed me in desperation asking me what is wrong with her- because really she had EVERYTHING- by that I mean that she had a terrific career, a excellent education and an amazing family- she achieved all her goals- but at that time she didn't know what to do with her life. I remember clearly that I told her this: "don't worry, something will happen and it will tell you what to do with your life- you just have to be patient. It's hard sometimes not knowing what you want, or where you want to go. But just wait and you will see that something will surprise you." I wish that somebody could say that to me. I'm finally graduating in April, and in all honesty I've worked so hard these past four years... the time just flew by and took my breath away. Tears are dripping off my face now - not of sadness or despairs, but perhaps a sign from my unconcious trying to express a sense of overwhelming relief plus a bit of fear of not knowing what the future holds. If I could buy courage from any store- I would be the first one to purchase it off the shelves. I wonder if they sell it in bulk- like at Costco or something.