Dynamics have changed

My mom and I have been fighting a lot more lately... It's just that she freaks out at the littlest things, and is adament about not admitting that she's wrong or even just to apologize. All that I asked was to get to the train station 20 minutes earlier than I usually do, so that I could catch the earlier train to work and leave earlier. She make a BIG deal out of it and demanded that I tell her what time we should wake up; and so I told her "mom, we're waking up at 6:00am" she looked so tense and irritated that her face squished together like a rotten fruit. I don't understand what is going on? HAHAHAH - seriously- I don't understand why she freaks out like this, "mom, we are not at war okay, so you don't need to freak out and know the ETA for everything - we're simply waking up 20 mintues earlier" - "BUT WE ARE AT WAR!" my mom shouted. I totally lost it by then.

I thought about the possible solutions... I thought about maybe talking to her to solve the problem, and asking her to try and make a concious effort before overreacting, but I"ve done that in the past. I"ve sat her down and tried to explain to her how it makes me feel; how it makes me feel depressed and tense as a result of her harassing me with question after question for a simple decision (i.e// mom, do you think that we should go grocery shopping?). She'll change for a bit, but then revert back to herself. I refuse to sit here and whine about why someone else behaves the way he/she does, and I'm mature enough not to think that anyone would have to bend over just to make "wynne happy". It's silly to have ever thought that someone else would change for me, though at that time the thought of that seemed more realizeable :(. Part of me doesn't want to accept that the dynamics within our relationship has changed. I've become less tense, less preoccupied with little problems (not 'sweating the small stuff'), and I've grown up, but because my mom's always had to adopt this tense lifestyle having to bring me up she's still freaking out about the smallest things. This is pulling us farther apart, and as easy as it would be jsut to revert back to the "miliatary lifestyle" when I was still in school and working full time- it's no longer like that anymore, and I certainly have accepted that, but has mom accepted it? Will she ever be able to accept that things aren't that bad anymore? That I'm in a much better position than I was six months ago... That I no longer need to break my back for school? That I now have a job that I love, friends who care about me, and someone special in my life ;).

I hope that one day she will understand... But for now I still need to be a good daughter, however if this escalates I refuse to suffer the consequences of her decisions. I never chose this life- and if it was as hard as I thought it would be... - I really thought at one point in my life that maybe I should have never been born, then maybe things would be better for my mom. Maybe she could have lead a better life. But right now in my life I'm soooooooo content and peaceful. I have everything that I need and if not more, and it's now that I want to live life and enjoy life :) I hope that she could do the same.

-Wynne