Spending the Holidays

Tonight I spent the evening watching "The Holiday" with some of my favorite actors, Cameron Diaz and the infamous Jude Law. I must say that in the beginning of the evening I dreaded the thought of watching the television on a night where everyone is out drinking and partying with friends. Oh how I plagued the television with a passion. Tonight's movie has proven to be a contradiction to my beliefs... I must say that by far tonight is one of the most relaxing, peaceful and enchanting nights that I have had since I can't remember when. As I prepared myself for tonight... I was a bit disappointed for the lack of crackers to go with my cheese, and my lack of strength for opening the wine bottle.

As the movie progressed the wine in the glass quickly disappeared. I watch amazed at the similarities between Cameron Diaz's situation and mine. We are both on a mission to retreat; to escape from reality. I watched as she gulped the bottle of wine with ease, and how I wanted to do the same. I looked at my empty wine glass, and I sensed how cautious and guilty I feel for wanting another glass of wine. The fearful thoughts that I could possibly become an alcoholic stopped me from pouring the next glass of wine. But I am on vacation - and at that exact moment is when Cameron Diaz sipped the next glass of wine. Then the thought ran in my mind- "what am I thinking? I am on vacation dammit! Why am I always so cautious of myself? Why do I care so much of the "what if's"? What happens if I just live a little?" This entire commotion of living in a beehive has drawn me towards what exactly? So I gracefully walked over to the kitchen and poured another glass of wine, and another, and another. I laughed and cried with the movie. I thought about life, and the meaning of our existence like never before. I thought about my disconnect with society. My views towards watching television. How they've changed. How this little box could actually create so many wonderful thoughts in my mind if I only let the right images inside. I thought about how little things don't matter at all. I realize and contemplated the possibilities of love in relationships. I thought about how much I wanted to share this epiphany with the world. I want my mother to know how much her smile means to me. Tonight... Is an evening that I won't let myself forget to remember; not because I am going insane, but because it has changed my life starting from the next heartbeat.