I've been feeling very anxious lately... anxious about graduation (finally), about finding a job, finding the right job and not wanting to make any possible mistakes. I guess it's hard not to make mistakes sometimes, but I just want to avoid "stupid" mistakes at all costs... but even that sounds silly now that I have it written down. Life's about making decisions; and hopefully the decisions that I make in the upcoming two months will be the rights ones- I don't want to let my mom down and my relatives whom I've learned intrinsically (so much that I feel it in my blood) that I need to do well in order to please them, or maybe just enough so that they think that I'm good enough; but mainly to prove to them that my decisions of studying fine arts was the right one. I don't want to be in one of those "I told you so" situations where the mockery begins. I think that I've done everything that an undergraduate could possibly do in order to achieve more after graduation (preparation with experience). I've volunteered at school and helped out with the new media assocation, and I was even asked to become president this year, but I had to turn it down because of AMEX. Nevertheless I did help out, and it was fine. I helped out professors with new media projects at school, and now because of that I've been chosen to be the designer for an upcoming website at UTSC. Now onto the "fine arts" accomplishments. I've been chosen twice to be in the student jury shows with my paintings, and some of them are even published in the annual university catalogue. Most of my paintings were purchased, and I've had people commission me to produce more at a later date as well. Apart from that I've also decided to become self-employed; and as tough as it was in the beginning I think that I got my name out there pretty well and received lots of jobs. I honestly don' t KNOW what heck I could have possiby done more in order to prepare and find a decent job out there. I want a career. I want to be someone special. I want to show beauty, creativity and the arts to the world. (wishful thinking). I'm not weird; I just know what I want, and I really hope that I did the right things in order to get to where I want to be today and tomorrow.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Graduation.
I've been feeling very anxious lately... anxious about graduation (finally), about finding a job, finding the right job and not wanting to make any possible mistakes. I guess it's hard not to make mistakes sometimes, but I just want to avoid "stupid" mistakes at all costs... but even that sounds silly now that I have it written down. Life's about making decisions; and hopefully the decisions that I make in the upcoming two months will be the rights ones- I don't want to let my mom down and my relatives whom I've learned intrinsically (so much that I feel it in my blood) that I need to do well in order to please them, or maybe just enough so that they think that I'm good enough; but mainly to prove to them that my decisions of studying fine arts was the right one. I don't want to be in one of those "I told you so" situations where the mockery begins. I think that I've done everything that an undergraduate could possibly do in order to achieve more after graduation (preparation with experience). I've volunteered at school and helped out with the new media assocation, and I was even asked to become president this year, but I had to turn it down because of AMEX. Nevertheless I did help out, and it was fine. I helped out professors with new media projects at school, and now because of that I've been chosen to be the designer for an upcoming website at UTSC. Now onto the "fine arts" accomplishments. I've been chosen twice to be in the student jury shows with my paintings, and some of them are even published in the annual university catalogue. Most of my paintings were purchased, and I've had people commission me to produce more at a later date as well. Apart from that I've also decided to become self-employed; and as tough as it was in the beginning I think that I got my name out there pretty well and received lots of jobs. I honestly don' t KNOW what heck I could have possiby done more in order to prepare and find a decent job out there. I want a career. I want to be someone special. I want to show beauty, creativity and the arts to the world. (wishful thinking). I'm not weird; I just know what I want, and I really hope that I did the right things in order to get to where I want to be today and tomorrow.
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1 comment:
It's natural to worry, but you've got to climb down off your own back before you hurt yourself. ;-)
I have a friend with a parent situation that sounds like yours and I don't know what to say except that ultimately you have to be able to live with yourself or you can't live with others.
It sounds like you've gone above and beyond, (already started your own business) and you should consider giving yourself a bit of a break now and then from angst about things that haven't happened yet. (If you're that worried about the future, the present must not be too bad.)
Hope things are looking up soon.
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